Another Option

[ secret garden ] song from secret garden

I reached work at 10am because I had trouble breathing in the morning and everything I did have to be slooooow motion... Pushed myself to go to work because I wanted to hand in my resignation letter...

Anyway, it turns out that I'll be taking 2 months off from work instead of resigning.
I'll concentrate on my treatment once it started next week.

Company doesn't want me to worry too much about work at the moment and offered to let me take as long leave as I needed... Very supportive and kind of them...

Initially planned to leave work at 2pm after that's been settled.. but I ended up leaving work at 530pm due to too many things to handover to others and etc... Didn't even manage to talk to a few close colleagues from other Dept regarding my sudden "leave" (even though it's not a good-bye at all)...

It's a relief that I don't have to think about work for now...

Body Over Mind

[ secret garden ] swan

It's not easy to keep a positive and strong mind when the body is not listening... Sometimes I was able to use my mind to make my body feels better... But lately, I haven't been able to calm myself down when I get shortness of breath (getting very severe these days)...

Please understand that I won't be able to pick up any phone calls, because it's getting difficult for me to speak (as I need to catch my breath)... and please forgive me if you haven't heard from me for a long time... because I do not know what to tell when there's not so many good news to share.

Anyway, I'll be resigning tomorrow, and starting new treatment next month... So hope all will be well and better!!

Teary at Work

[ system of a down ] chop suey

*** NOTE ***
This blog was posted a while ago, and today (17/6/08) I would like to add some thoughts to it... My manager has been extremely supportive all those times... He is very understanding and he has a very kind heart... but when it comes to work, he will "make" anything happens no matter what... So sometimes that gives us a lot of pressure... but anyway, I am thankful for having a manager like him... at least I have one less thing need not to worry for the moment - work and my job... Due to my sudden leave from work, I'm sure I have brought so much troubles for my team and department and the company... yet they all are still very supportive... I feel very guilty of course for putting everyone through more tough time... but their thoughts and kindness surely have been noted and I wish all of them well and good and the best... I have learnt so much working in this company, and all the people there... I thank them from the bottom of my heart.... everyone....
************

This is what happened when all the stress and pressure accumulates at work over the weeks...

Just as I was about to pack up and leave office, he came to give me another job to chase as this is another "Urgent" job... OMG!! ...I have done SO BLOODY MANY urgent jobs in the past two weeks, I think I have been soooo burnt with the amount of stress and pressure I had to put up with... not to mention there's still a few "urgent" jobs that I still haven't got back from supplier (cos supplier started to get quite annoyed and unhappy as well due to the last minute "rush" and the amount of pressure from us too) - STRESSED!!!

Just as I was half way explaining to him the whole situation hoping that he would understand and let this so called "Urgent" job a missed (it is meant to due back from supplier next Monday, but he wants it tomorrow!) ...I found myself getting even more frustrated when he doesn't seem to want to "listen/understand" what's the problems but had this look on his face as if telling to "get over it, make this happen and get this urgent job back tomorrow" no matter what!! ...

What happened next? ...Well, I got all teary and I guess that was WHEN he stopped and started to tone down a little... Never had I thought I would ever shed any tears for "work related stuff" in the office at all... Geez!! ...But I guess it was his "attitude and his tone" that triggered it because I absolutely could cope with the the pressure, frustration and the stress...

Anyway, the solution is HE will contact the supplier himself and talk to them and make every FAIRY TALES happens! ...I'll let him deal with the Supplier cos he is the manager and no doubt he is more POWERFUL than a TINY employee like me!!

Part Time to Begin With...

[ secret garden ] nocturne

The past 6 weeks I have been trying to learn as much as I could... I have been working on my plans... and I have been planning a lot of things... Every week I had been progressing well... and I look forward to my plans... but I started to feel a bit lost because things haven't been happening... and planning for the future takes over the present to such an extend that the present becomes unreal... and I started to lose my center the past 2 weeks...

It's time to ACTION... yes...
I told my manager I'm going to work Part-Time from June...
All is good now... changes is good... for me anyway...

Work has been really stressful lately due to all sorts of reasons... And I'm actually thought of resigning... but that wasn't part of my initial plan, so I didn't go to the extreme... There's actually another door opened for me recently when I least expected... but I'll have to wait and see carefully first...

Vitas

[ vista ] ave maria

I have never heard of Vitas until recently...
"Opera 2" and the 5th Element Diva's song "Lucia di Lamermoor"...

Brainwaves Do Travel...

[ vitas ] opera 2

Remember I always "claimed" that I have some special gift? ...hehe...

The past few weeks I have been busy tidying and I have been reading my old diaries and browsing through all the photos... There's friends I thought of and wonder how they have been up to lately... and I guess my brainwaves at that time must be very strong as they do travel far to reach my friends... cos I suddenly hear from them one after another recently... Cool isn't it?

Brianwaves do travel hey?! ...Telepathy does exists, I'm sure...
So maybe there's a bit of truth in Law of Attractions then? ...cos thought has energy that attracts like energy? ...Hmm...

There's even a BrainBall game exists (check out the Video below!)...

Bye Bye to Yarns

[ vista ] lucia di lammermoor

I was into knitting scarfs few years ago, and I have bought so many yarns back then... Some of the yarns still not yet get to be transformed into beautiful scarfs yet... and I must admit it is actually tougher for me to give away the beautiful yarns than to shred my dairies/photos...

Anyway, I have given away a bag full of yarns but there's this two types/colors of yarn which I find it hard to let go of... And the only way to save the yarn from going to Salvation Army, is to start knitting and transform them into beautiful scarf for myself to wear since the weather has started to turn cold!! ...

Yes, this whole week I have been spending all my nights knitting two scarfs... I was using size-10 big needles to knit the scarfs so that I could get them done sooner... And they are now done and I absolutely love them!! ...I will not simply buy yarns to keep anymore unless I make sure I'll knit them immediately instead of letting them sitting around and become a burden...

Anyway, my next task is Desktop/Art & Design mags...

Just so you wonder... I need to sort out all the things in my room and things that I need to keep (to very minimal) and get them organized before I could START a new page... It has to be different to the way I used to do things... It's like I need to "detox" before I could start a new... that kinda feeling... (or IF I lose my battle, at least I don't leave too many messy things behind for my family)...

It works both ways I guess... but I'm more focus on my NEW START and to fulfill MY DREAM than the negative thoughts...

Bye Bye to Photos

[ nelly furtado ] all good things

I spent my day sorting my old photo albums and also the photos that I have developed over the years (which didn't placed in the albums properly)... I think everyone knows I love taking photos and thank goodness digital camera came into our lives earlier or else I think there would be even more photos pilling up in my room for me to sort and shred today!

Well, to make it simple for me to decide which to keep and to shred... I only keep my own photos in my albums... Of course I also selected some memorable photos that I have taken with friends too while traveling together or during some special occasions...

Yup! I have shredded two big boxes of photos for recycling and I'm yet to slowly sort out my photo album as per time line/dates... I am also still yet to print out some selected digital photos to add onto the photo album to COMPLETE my very own photo album!! =)

Anyway, though diaries and photos were the living proof of my life and journey in the past, I guess I don't need them anymore, because most of the memories and pictures have already been stored in my mind and heart...

So, my photo albums is quite simple and very selective now... cos I only choose the most beautiful and most photogenic of mine to keep!! ... HAHAHAA...

Bye Bye to My Old Diaries

[ johnathan myers ] this time

I used to write diaries when I was young (teenager). My first diary was given by Vivian as a birthday gift in 1990 and that's how I started writing diary... Over the years I have about about 5 - 6 diaries and I always wonder whether should I keep them or should I destroy them (as I don't want anybody to read it! ...Actually I think my mum probably has read it secretly- just as most mums does anyway!!!)...

Anyway, I have been tidying my room the past weeks and it's hard not to start asking myself again whether I should keep these diaries or destroy them forever... Instead of making the big decision, I started to read my diaries instead... They surely brought back lots and lots of memories which I vividly remember and also some that I do not even recall... It's like a flashback of my life...

I must say I'm quite surprised about my Chinese writing ability... Yes I used to love writing and I used to dream of becoming an author (just one of those dreams that I have never continue to pursue!)... Anyway, some spot-on and beautiful words that I was using and the way how I wrote, I don't think I could do it now... Boy, I HAD talent! ...haha!!

Well, as I finished reading a page, I tore them out and fed them to the new shredder I bought from Officeworks... and yes it took me nearly the whole day to shred ALL my diaries because I was taking my time walking down the memory lanes while enjoying my last read...

Tomorrow... I'll have to sort my photos albums... Another big tasks!!