Another Option

[ secret garden ] song from secret garden

I reached work at 10am because I had trouble breathing in the morning and everything I did have to be slooooow motion... Pushed myself to go to work because I wanted to hand in my resignation letter...

Anyway, it turns out that I'll be taking 2 months off from work instead of resigning.
I'll concentrate on my treatment once it started next week.

Company doesn't want me to worry too much about work at the moment and offered to let me take as long leave as I needed... Very supportive and kind of them...

Initially planned to leave work at 2pm after that's been settled.. but I ended up leaving work at 530pm due to too many things to handover to others and etc... Didn't even manage to talk to a few close colleagues from other Dept regarding my sudden "leave" (even though it's not a good-bye at all)...

It's a relief that I don't have to think about work for now...

Teary at Work

[ system of a down ] chop suey

*** NOTE ***
This blog was posted a while ago, and today (17/6/08) I would like to add some thoughts to it... My manager has been extremely supportive all those times... He is very understanding and he has a very kind heart... but when it comes to work, he will "make" anything happens no matter what... So sometimes that gives us a lot of pressure... but anyway, I am thankful for having a manager like him... at least I have one less thing need not to worry for the moment - work and my job... Due to my sudden leave from work, I'm sure I have brought so much troubles for my team and department and the company... yet they all are still very supportive... I feel very guilty of course for putting everyone through more tough time... but their thoughts and kindness surely have been noted and I wish all of them well and good and the best... I have learnt so much working in this company, and all the people there... I thank them from the bottom of my heart.... everyone....
************

This is what happened when all the stress and pressure accumulates at work over the weeks...

Just as I was about to pack up and leave office, he came to give me another job to chase as this is another "Urgent" job... OMG!! ...I have done SO BLOODY MANY urgent jobs in the past two weeks, I think I have been soooo burnt with the amount of stress and pressure I had to put up with... not to mention there's still a few "urgent" jobs that I still haven't got back from supplier (cos supplier started to get quite annoyed and unhappy as well due to the last minute "rush" and the amount of pressure from us too) - STRESSED!!!

Just as I was half way explaining to him the whole situation hoping that he would understand and let this so called "Urgent" job a missed (it is meant to due back from supplier next Monday, but he wants it tomorrow!) ...I found myself getting even more frustrated when he doesn't seem to want to "listen/understand" what's the problems but had this look on his face as if telling to "get over it, make this happen and get this urgent job back tomorrow" no matter what!! ...

What happened next? ...Well, I got all teary and I guess that was WHEN he stopped and started to tone down a little... Never had I thought I would ever shed any tears for "work related stuff" in the office at all... Geez!! ...But I guess it was his "attitude and his tone" that triggered it because I absolutely could cope with the the pressure, frustration and the stress...

Anyway, the solution is HE will contact the supplier himself and talk to them and make every FAIRY TALES happens! ...I'll let him deal with the Supplier cos he is the manager and no doubt he is more POWERFUL than a TINY employee like me!!

Part Time to Begin With...

[ secret garden ] nocturne

The past 6 weeks I have been trying to learn as much as I could... I have been working on my plans... and I have been planning a lot of things... Every week I had been progressing well... and I look forward to my plans... but I started to feel a bit lost because things haven't been happening... and planning for the future takes over the present to such an extend that the present becomes unreal... and I started to lose my center the past 2 weeks...

It's time to ACTION... yes...
I told my manager I'm going to work Part-Time from June...
All is good now... changes is good... for me anyway...

Work has been really stressful lately due to all sorts of reasons... And I'm actually thought of resigning... but that wasn't part of my initial plan, so I didn't go to the extreme... There's actually another door opened for me recently when I least expected... but I'll have to wait and see carefully first...

Office Affairs Continues

[ harry connick jr ] hear me in the harmony

*** NOTE ***
The following blog was posted a while ago, but I would like to add something today (17-June-08) ...I actually would like to THANK her for all her support and care, as she's the "primary" contact between me and work during my sickness days... She has organized cards from work, and present and visited me at hospital, and it's really kind of her... Anyway, I wished I didn't complain abt her, but I don't have intention to delete the blog, because I didn't wanna hide my mistakes... I just wished I could be more forgiving and not complaining too much and not being so fussy and particular... I sincerely thank her from the bottom of my heart...
*************

Just as I thought we (she and I) had a talk about a week ago, and we would be able to work together normally, but something happened again not long later...

The stupid bitch got offended just because I wrote a post-on note on a document to "remind" any of us to do something (just in case we forget due to the workloads!). She said she doesn't like me putting post-on note on the document because that makes her looks bad or stupid, and that she knows what she was doing and she will do them without anyone "reminding her"...

Ridiculous thing was that those documents was on my desk and it was obvious enough that those post-on note was also for me to remind myself to "follow up" just in case she forgets... Trust me, she always forget or mess up some steps when she starts to "multi-task"...

Anyway, I didn't keep quiet this time round and I explained my reasons and they are all valid, I'm sure she knows it by her heart... but due to her EGO and whatever reason, she turned around and started typing so loud like she wanted to kill the keyboards... and as usual she's not speaking to me again for another day! ...

Maybe it's a SIGN for me to let go or work less hour to put more focus on myself and my health nowadays... only if my income won't get affected if I work less hours... Hmmm...

Unprofessional Attitude in Workplace

[ richard carlson ] dont sweat the small stuff

Reached office and say "good morning" to her and she didn't even care to respond - how childish and immature huh??

Asked if she has received some documents because a provider was on the phone wanted to confirm, and she turned around and gave me the "extremely annoying and cranky what-now-look", and replied "unwillingly" with her usual bitchy and sharp sarcastic tone saying, "I don't know, need to check later because I'm busy." And the whole day she didn't even update me regarding...

I just do things as usual and pass her documents without holding any grudges, but it is written on her whole face and it shows on her body languages too that she's going to be like this towards me for WHO-KNOWS-HOW-LONG!

It makes it extremely difficult for me to work with her now as a team... because she doesn't place any records on system hence the only way for me to find out if we have received those documentations is to ask her directly... With her kinda attitude towards me now, asking her anything would only make her even more hostile towards me.

I don't quite know what to do now... I do wish to talk to her in person nicely, but with her still holding so much grudges and anger, there's no way we could "communicate" at all because she'd get even more hostile and I'll get upset because of her reactions.

The last resort is to talk to my manager regarding the situation but this is really something I wanna avoid... I mean, I see myself as an adult and I really do think that this sorta tiny problems should be solved between ourselves instead of getting OUR MANAGER involved. It is getting stupid and silly and very unprofessional...

It's really hard working with immature and unprofessional people... *sigh*

Workplace Problems - HER again

[ rococo quartet ] por una cabeza

I have been in quite a lot of stressed these few days at work... and I felt that I'm stucked at the situation where a lot of "communication" is required, yet I have analysed every possible steps/ways but I still could not foresee any "win-win" case to solve the issues...

I always fix her mistakes quietly instead of pointing those mistakes or wrong doing out to let her acknowledge her own mistakes and to give her room of improvements... She is spoilt because of me... and nobody will find out about how incapable she is... I don't think it would do me any good if I told my new manager the honest truth because he would probably think I am just trying to say bad words about her to protect my own job...

YES, my manager thought of changing my job role just because he thinks that I have to battle with cancer and I may bring the team down if I were to take more days off in the future... In a way I understand his point of view, yet I do not think that arrangement works... He wanted me to train her up so that she could take over my role... and I know very well that she's incapable of taking up this role because of her laziness and poor organizational skills...

Now, if that really happens, I would think I'd be in the situation where... If I were to train her up, and if she couldn't pick things up (cos she isn't that smart really), they all may think it's ME who didn't teach her well probably because I wanted her to fail as I wasn't willing to hand her the role (especially IF I told my new manager now, that she isn't quite right for this role?)...

It's complicated... and I haven't slept well the past few days... and it sort of created a bit of "tension" between her and myself these few days...

Well, the other morning she took a correspondence away from my desk and told me she's going to follow up with that (because she is "prepared" to learn and take on my role)... I wasn't impressed because she doesn't keep things in file and keep records of what she does and if ONE DAY someone asks me about what's going on with that job, I will have no records of it and I will look terrible... IF this was her tasks to take care of these correspondence, I couldn't care less... but these are MY responsibility and she should have known she shouldn't have crossed it especially I am back to WORK now... it's not like I'm still in the hospital...

So I questioned her if she has finished her own stuffs and if she is now up to date with her filings/photocopying and etc (because she has been crying the previous day complaining to everyone that she's so stressed and overloaded with things that she has so many things to apply and to follow up)... If she already has so many things to do and follow up, how could she NOT trying to finish her own shit first? ...Is she a bit too eager and impatience or is she trying to proof something there? ...

I was quite annoyed and she was also offended by the way I questioned her... She knew she has crossed it and she just wasn't happy that for the first time I questioned her in this kinda way I guess... We haven't really spoken for 2 days... Let's hope after the weekend things would improve...

Complicated... but it certainly has given me a chance to think about the whole situations, the reality of this world, human behavior, my true feelings and thoughts, to re-evaluate and reflect my own actions and to check if I am actually being fair or naive and etc... Anyway, I am sure I'll find my way to deal with it... Life is all about learning how to deal with problems, isn't it?

Where's the TIGER in me? - Part 2

[ 左光平 ] 心里有鬼

Guess what? ...We had morning tea this morning (every Friday only in our department) and our manager took the chance to remind everybody to work harder as it's end of the month and CSO (Customer Service Officer) shall do their best to get any outstanding documents for me to push the job forward... (*ahem*... I didn't tell the manager what happened yesterday at all)...

So I guess MH (the rude CSO I mentioned yesterday) started to worry whether our manager knew what happened yesterday and so she started to defend herself in front of everyone... I couldn't be bothered saying anything because I'm sure everyone knows by now (if they didn't hear what she said to me yesterday, they would have noticed the excuses she had today was obviously lame)...

Anyway, the whole day she didn't dare to pass me any documents nor files... She passed them to my Admin Support instead... And also, she started to update me regarding those documents which I was after without me reminding her (I won't constantly remind her in the future anymore because my manager told me that wasn't my responsibility especially the CSO have received a weekly outstanding list from me beginning of the week... It was their responsibility to follow up themselves and update me regarding)...

So... sometimes eventhough the cunning fox is lucky enough to escape from the hibernating TIGER... She still couldn't escape from getting caught... hiak hiak...

Where's the TIGER in me?

[ 金莎 ] 不可思议

Hmmm... The more I think about what happened today at work... the more I wonder why I let her get out of that situation that easily... hmmmph!!!! ...

What happened was... the past few days I've been chasing this documents from this CSO (Customer Service Officer) as it's nearly end of the month... I have tried Email, but no use at all cos she just doesn't respond (I even cc to our manager)... I have tried to remind her the past 2 days (once in the morning and once in the afternoon)... She would pretend to write it down on a Post-It note and tell me she'll chase later and get on with her works... Today, I went to chase for the documents again 4 times and on the 4th time, she said, "yap, keep chasing until I remember" and get back to her work again...

I seriously have never dealt with this kinda people before... Though I was unhappy and felt like saying something back to her, but I didn't due to it was an open office and considering we'd still have to work together as a team in the future, I just let it go...

Half an hour later, she made a loud phone call to leave a voice message to the Developer (to show that she has chased the documents)... and then she came to me, and said she has chased it and left a message... So I told her to continue follow up and chase the document cos the other CSO already either received the documents or got some sorta feedback from the Developer... She then said, "Keep reminding me all the times, until I'm sick of it and I'll chase it." ...

Woah... What kinda attitude that was? ...How rude huh?!?! ...I didn't even look at her and care to reply because I don't like to deal with this kinda people... and also I was a little in shocked (cos I've never had anyone so rude to me in open before)... and I didn't wanna say anything because I was worried I would raise my voice to match hers and we'd end up arguing...

If only we weren't in the same team, and if only I didn't have to deal with her anymore in the future, I think the TIGER in me will come out and bite her head off... bitch!!!

Perfect = Me

[ regina spektor ] lady

I'm sure everyone has heard this saying...

"When you point one finger at someone...
...remember that 3 fingers are pointing back at you"

How many people actually understand the true meaning of it? ...
How many people care to take the time to reflect their own action first?

Funny... how we like to point our finger at someone to inflate ourselves...
(*ahem*... I'm using "we" here, so I'm not just pointing fingers at you, but also myself too, ok?!)

Miss. Neat & Organized VS Miss. Messy & Lazy

[ 林俊杰 & 金莎 ] 被风吹过的夏天

What a happening and tiring week... and thank goodness it's finally weekend!!! ...I need to start learning meditation soon... to relax the body and mind!

Our company has been restructuring the past weeks and the renovation has completed during last weekend... We all came on Wednesday in casual comfy clothing because we had to move into our own Team... I am in "The Nitro" North Team... Hohohoo... I am quite happy to be in the North Team because those people that I found it hard to work with are in either South or West team... *Hiak Hiak Hiak*...

Anyway, I was busy cleaning up my South Jobs (that I have been working on for the past 6months) to have them ready to pass it on to South Team... In the mean time, I have to start follow up with the North Jobs which is yet to hand over to me next week... It's hard enough to take over jobs that I am not familiar with... and it is even more frustrating to find out that particular someone (who have been working on North jobs) is so unorganized and she doesn't journal things that she's done on the system (so I have no idea what she has done, and what she hasn't!!).... I get frustrated when I have to take over messy stuffs... #@$@$%...

Talking about messy... my only supporting admin (who will do all the paperworks) is a very very messy girl... Her desk is forever messy (papers can pile up here and there and I don't know how she could work in such a messy desk)... Anyway, the past few days I have picked up so many missing documents in the file that she's been doing... She has never improved the past 2yrs... and I find it hard to have her supporting me because I am such a neat and organized freak and when I told her nicely that some documents are not in the file (cos she forgot to photocopy them, or photocopy not enough copies), she'd become sooo damn defensive (she used to slam the files loudly on the desk and stormed off to photocopy more documents for me)... =/...

Seriously, to those people who always find short-cuts, who is not responsible, who is lazy and messy and not organized and ended up not able to perform their job well... Do they really not knowing they haven't done things correctly?? ...Doesn't conscience catching up with them at all? ...

Anyway, enough of that... Gotta relax and enjoy my weekend for not doing anything!!!!

News That Came Early & Unexpected

[ 金莎 ] 不可思议

: : Tuesday : :

It was surprisingly peaceful in the office today... not as bad as I expected (as per my previous blog)... all of us felt a little weird because the tension was absolutely in the air, but there wasn't any cat & dog fights at all... the whole day was quiet and there wasn't anything to talk/gossip about (for us to kill some time?)... My manager had several talks in his office with my team leader but they didn't raise their voices (hence we couldn't hear anything that we could talk about) even the door wasn't closed (normally if anything serious, my manager will close the door)... hehe... no juicy gossips, no spicy fights, no banging doors, no nothing the whole day... Awkwardly peaceful...

During lunch time I received a phone call...
I stared at the monitor for hours due to the unexpected news...
I became very positive again only when I was on my way home...
Maybe there was still hope cos he said "possible"... it wasn't definite, yet...

: : Wednesday : :
Work, work and work... Work occupied my whole day and my mind...
Maybe I was actually in denial... I was going to make a few phone calls but works kept coming in and I didn't get the chance to use my manager's office to use his phone to make a few private phone calls...

Reached home and received a letter which they had booked me in for an appointment on coming Friday... Efficient... In a way, I felt better for I get to find out more pretty soon... On the other hand, having them booked me in for an appointment so soon seemed serious... Anyway, I didn't really worry too much cos there's no reason why I should be worried when I know nothing yet...

: : Thursday : :
My team leader emailed me to express how relief and how good she felt now that she has sorted things out with my manager... Well, that's a good thing... but there's still tension in our office as the other girls still alienated my team leader... It's funny because they were previously complained about my manager, and now they turned against my team leader when my manger is back...

This is the reason why I didn't like to get involved in any office politics nor any problems in the office... because I will never know how the wind blows or when the wave turns...

: : Friday : :
I waited for an hour before my name was called (the appointment)... He told me they wrongly booked me in... but I found out the "definite" result from him... I drove around in the city aimlessly wondering what I should I have for lunch... Subway? ...Salad? ...or shall I even call my manager and take the whole day off? ...What should I do if I don't go to work? ...

I decided to go back to work... I bought Chicken Caesar Salad for lunch... It was terribly busy at work because we had to prepare contract for the first time (due to the lady who usually prepared contract was away)...

I wasn't that happy with my colleague cos she asked me to sit for the Contract Training last time together because she wanted me to back her up if she missed out any details... and now she just dragged me and wanted me to prepare contract WITH her... I wasn't meant to do any Contract at all... Damn it!! ...

After work, met up with Andy, Kevin and Kelvin... Why on earth there's so many people like the name -- "Kevin" & "Kelvin"? ... I think I have met so many Kevin and Kelvin in my life it's not even funny at all... Anyway, we went to Jade Restaurant for dinner... and The Coffee House at Chapel Street for coffee... I was very worn out by the time I reached home at 11pm... Sooooooo tired...

It's probably a good thing that I was that tired... cos I slept well...
It's probably a good thing that I had a busy Friday after the definite news...

Back To War-Zone

[ 張學友 ] 但愿人长久

: : Saturday : :
Had steamboat at one of my ex-colleague's place... Having steamboat during cold winter is the best! ...Lotsa food, lotsa laughters and the night seemed quite short... Anyway, I was feeling quite tired and all I did was eat and eat and eat... hehehe...

: : Sunday : :
Brother and Winnie came by for dinner... Brother always had this impression about "Apocalypto" is similar to "Passion of Christ" (because they were both directed by Mel Gibson) and he refused to give it a try... So I took the chance and played that movie and sorta forced them to watch it... HAH!!! ...I think if it wasn't because it was getting late, they would probably stayed and watch the whole movie here... *muahahhaha*... Anyway, he took the movie home and I'll find out if he is Jaguar Paw's fan soon... =P

: : Monday : :
Spent the day watching a few Korean and Cantonese series (since today is Public Holiday - Queen's Birthday)... Time passes by so fast hey?! ...My long weekend has came to an end... and I'm stressed about going back to work tomorrow... Why? ...because my department is now a war-zone... There's so many things going on and it involves my manager, my team leader, and one of my colleague...

Well, to make things short, my manager had been away the past 5 weeks for Jury Duty... and my team leader probably crossed the line by trying to get higher managers to "warn" one of my colleague but things got a little ugly and my colleague is now leaving our Dept...

My manager came back to work on last Friday seeing our Dept has fallen apart and he was pretty upset to learn about what my team leader has done... and my team leader was sick on Friday (coincidently) and so was one of the higher managers... My manager was told by another higher manager that he is not allowed to talk to us on Friday regarding the matters until they came back on Tuesday... So it'll be quite a day tomorrow... =/

I hope I'd be able to stay out of all this... cos I know my manager wants to speak to me on Friday but I managed to sorta get away with it... Hmmm... Will I manage to escape tomorrow? ... =/